Transcript

I’m Major Jackson, and this is The Slowdown.

In summer it feels like we see more hand holding in public, more kissing, more elaborately planned proposals, and, of course, more weddings. Under warm sun, people are toasting to their new unions surrounded by families and friends, bringing together their worlds. It’s hard to imagine the lonelier, colder seasons coming at all, while this jubilant communal love is everywhere you look. But it's the longevity through these cycles that tests all couples, old and new.

Occasionally, one hears of long-married couples who decide, after many years, to go their separate ways. Always, my heart goes out to them. For the parties involved, though, it may be unavoidable, even liberatory. Knowing sides exist, I typically refrain from overt judgment and opt for massive support.

Why does the breakup of friends impact us so much? Maybe we overinvest in the hope that newly married couples represent, and thus their irreconcilable differences become a verdict on our own optimism. There should be a playbook on how to handle the separation of couples who are your friends. For example, why isn’t it standard to be present during difficult and trying times for married couples, just as we are at the beginning of a union?

Sustaining a relationship carries many challenges, one of them the vow of loving forever. With humans living longer, we are spending more years than ever before with life-long partners, sometimes unhappily. The grind of daily routines so often renders life less pleasurable and more difficult, hard to share with one another.

Estrangement and loss of affection in a marriage beg the questions: is it possible to deplete one’s love or is love in a marital union endless? Is there a warranty date in knowing someone so well that you can repeat their stories word for word, predict their chewing habits during meals, name the history of their ailments and insecurities?

Tests to long-term commitments are bound to happen. Expending too much affection can lead to exhaustion and the bruise of eventual disappointment. As today’s poem suggests, one of the secrets to a successful marriage is moderation and restraint.

End of December
by Ashjan Hendi, translated by Moneera Al-Ghadeer

Refrain from being drunk
in love. Don’t drink
love’s last bottle
from this year’s table.
Return the dregs to your glass,
the glass back to full bottle.
Return the bottle to its grapes,
the grapes to the vineyard,
love back to its lover.
Return Time’s movement
and Time’s dial
back to the clock on the wall. 
Turn your lone chair
counterclockwise,
then reset the table.

“End of December” by Ashjan Hendi, translated by Moneera Al-Ghadeer from HOME: NEW ARABIC POEMS © 2020 Two Lines Press. Used by permission of the poet.